I have been waiting for this day, sitting riddled in anxiety to the point my brain feels numb and communication is something of the past. It is funny how my past experiences of situations have always seemed worse then they really are. Like have you ever had to hide a dead body? Im sure the mere thought of actually doing it would scare you half to death, the blood, cleaning up all the evidence and then deciding how you will live with it for the rest of your life. Well there is no dead body. Or any evidence of such a thing, but I have been lying in bed for the last 4 days frightened out of my mind. Diving into my writing, I guess trying to come up with any reason to prove to myself that I was correct and they were wrong. As any sane human does. Justifying from each olive branch I pass in my mind how unfair things are. We all do this, some better then others. And at the end of the day I will sit there in silence reply yes and no to all statements and hope I get out of it alive. That is if they will allow it to be that simple.

No on second thought, lets imagine they do not let me off that easy. I guess that’s how pigs at slaughtering houses feel. They get let out this tiny cage, they have been cooped up in for about 6 months, seen nothing of the outside world and just when they begin to smell freedom, the truck pulls up to the slaughterhouse. And this is the very thing im frightened of, not know what’s around the corner. Now I’ve never been to good at arguments or heated meetings as my brain and memory turn off during times of stress, like genuinely what worse time can there possibly be.

Imagine its world war 2, you are a tank operator driving down a narrow road in the bush, when suddenly you get ambushed with your twenty men, bullets flying, blood everywhere. You climb down to the guns cockpit aim your giant two ton gun at the enemy, you are locked on ready to pull that trigger. And when you do the gun jams.

Well story of my life and instead of ammo it is things I cannot remember in stressful situations. So in all actual fact I do hope this meeting goes smooth or at least my gun doesn’t jam. But If it does, I have plenty of armour, and a sweet face. I do hope I get out this one alive.

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