Lying in bed listening to the rain, blankets all crunched up and a PlayStation remote half poking me in the head. But what i cant get off my mind was this dear old conversation I heard today between an old frail man and a young girl.
The old man sitting comfertably on a stool in Front of a cannabis shop. Staring at the girl waiting outside for her parents. The old man calls out, “girl can I help you” the girl reply “Im lost” so the man edges forward and replies “your parents will be out soon don’t worry dear child.” She replied impatiently in a harsh bratty tone “I don’t know what I want! Its not fair” the old man gave a chuckle and asked her to come over, what he said next I nearly fell off my chair.
“Child, you don’t know what you want and there can be only two reasons. The first, you already have what you want and simply havnt noticed it yet. And the second. You just don’t know yourself well enough. Look at me I have a wife of 70 years and im trying to pick up grannies here out side the dagga shop. I I don’t know what I want either. Or after 70 years I have no clue of who I really am, which of quite recent I can understand, as im completely lost!”
Its raining here, porring to be honest, im sitting at a wooden table in a dirty resturant. A place people come before visiting the whores across the road. Water droplets hitting me and all the whilst pondering on the lives of the women across the road. Didn’t you say it was a sin? You didnt say much though. Im listening to a man by the name of Alan watts, his take on life and profound way of understanding this pathetic game we call life although its not truly a game at all from the sounds of things. I do not ponder your existence, i ponder about the understanding towards the decisions you have made. Or were there decisions made at all? Free will is what you called it but its like driving down a road with no breaks, the opposite lane is full with bustling cars and there is an on coming car in my lane. The breaks don’t work. And so here comes my understanding of free will. It comes to no surprise that some choices are harder then others. Consequences begin to arise. But as an entity with all your power and understanding, do I swerve off the road and fall down the cliff killing myself, pull over onto incoming traffic and kill six people, or simply smash into the car in Front of me killing everyone including the six month old baby with one survivor, the drunken father whos been laid off work and lost everything, his wife, assets and well his six month old child depending on the choice I make.
Now you see, I don’t remember signing a contract with terms and conditions and im not upset with you at all. I just struggle to understand how priests can live luxurious lives traveling the world in private Jets while Ashi Mobesta in Bokfontein township, aged 7, has starved more night in her awaken life then nights there have been a full moon.
Some say we deserve it, other say its just the luck of the draw. But is it really? There is a drought for 12 months, enslaving financially hundreds of farmers, hundreds of thousands of family. And im sat here with ear phones in playing no music just trying to evade communication. Must some how understand your plan.
Last week one of the workers and old man aged 51, spends his days breaking rocks with 20 pound sledge hammer, for 12 hours a day. His family lives 1000km away. Coming home eat night to a tin house and eating meals consisting of maize and water. A man who has done no wrong and lived a life of hard ship. This man lost his 18 year old son last week, with not even enough money to bury his own child. He sat next to me and cried, screamed. With a tone angels have never heard. Like he was 6ft underground stuck in well.
At this moment I realized how cheap and pathetic life is. And I asked you why you allowed this to happen. With no reply.
But what convinces us we are worthy of your reply, what convinces us you are not kali the Hindu god of pain. For without the dark of night you cannot see the stars. Without times of destruction we cannot see the collateral beauty. What if you are the reason we see the beauty. For only after suffering do we appreciate luxury. How do you scale this, measure these opposites. Who sits and reassures you there is balance kept on earth.
When we reached the moon and returned a young journalist asked the astronaut. Have you seen heaven beyond our earth? The astronaut replied yes. Did you see god and if so what did he look like? The astronaut replied, yes. She is black.
You see we all have this perception of a father like figure when it comes to you. But does your image matter. What if I witnessed you wearing a black shirt scruffy old woman dark in colour with a sword in one hand and a human corps in the other. Would I tremble, would I think less of you. What if, you created this physical existence but we humans are a mere creation of those you created before us.
What if we humans with knowledge and many years of understanding could become God. To say if in 200 years we created a medical means towards immortality. Teleport and true Telepathy. The ability to walk through more then just our physical plain but spiritual ones to. With this being said would there be pyramid power dividing systems between the knowledgeable Gods created and yourself at the top. Would there be a ranking? Is there a ranking? Have Gods been created before in our universe under your rule.
If not, why is there only one true God and not many. If not,
A wise man is quite, allows the sounds of the earth, the movement of people and the despair of the homeless to speak for him. I used to wonder how quickly I could go from being sheltered with food and clothes and beautiful luxury, to being poor and homeless. From my calculations depending on how the money disappears or gets spent lets say 3 months. And so I am three months away from the lowest class in society. Yet I have been working my ass off for the last 5 years. And so this is where it makes no fucking sense. Why work a job you don’t really enjoy, to pay for an apartment you don’t really like, pay for friends who don’t really amuse you. Follow rules you don’t agree with and at the end of the day get it all thrown in your face. With no Thank you. Not even a quiver of genuine sympathy coming from a sole in a 100 mile radius. But you will keep pushing through it all. So your kids can grow up with money, be spoilt. Go to expensive schools. Do drugs and becomes snobby rude fucks that have no street wisdom or an ounce of knowledge towards a class under there stature. Yes the parents need to pay more attention and raise there kids right. But is consumerism the answer. Is this constant need to buy have and get, really the future of this world.
Greed. One man Jeff Bezos sits with a net worth of $111 billion dollars to his name. That’s 1.6 trillion Rand. Give or take. It only takes 20 billion dollars to end world hunger forever.
Now imagine this world. The rich get richer. The poor stay the same. But no one is starving, freezing or dying.
So why do you get up for work everyday? Because you believe, you have no choice. No choice at all. And honestly you have all the choice in the world.
Shit, probably gonna come across a few issues but you can work them out. Imagine living within your means. You work 3 hours a day, 5 days a week. Staying in a beautiful two bedroom home on the beach. Writing blogs, or painting. Traveling to as many places as you can. Free of will. No boss. No rules but your own, and the law of course. Picture it now, the bliss you would feel.
And so a wise man said nothing at all. He allows the sounds of the earth, the movement of people and the despair of the homeless to speak for him. And so a wise man once said, nothing.
I have been waiting for this day, sitting riddled in anxiety to the point my brain feels numb and communication is something of the past. It is funny how my past experiences of situations have always seemed worse then they really are. Like have you ever had to hide a dead body? Im sure the mere thought of actually doing it would scare you half to death, the blood, cleaning up all the evidence and then deciding how you will live with it for the rest of your life. Well there is no dead body. Or any evidence of such a thing, but I have been lying in bed for the last 4 days frightened out of my mind. Diving into my writing, I guess trying to come up with any reason to prove to myself that I was correct and they were wrong. As any sane human does. Justifying from each olive branch I pass in my mind how unfair things are. We all do this, some better then others. And at the end of the day I will sit there in silence reply yes and no to all statements and hope I get out of it alive. That is if they will allow it to be that simple.
No on second thought, lets imagine they do not let me off that easy. I guess that’s how pigs at slaughtering houses feel. They get let out this tiny cage, they have been cooped up in for about 6 months, seen nothing of the outside world and just when they begin to smell freedom, the truck pulls up to the slaughterhouse. And this is the very thing im frightened of, not know what’s around the corner. Now I’ve never been to good at arguments or heated meetings as my brain and memory turn off during times of stress, like genuinely what worse time can there possibly be.
Imagine its world war 2, you are a tank operator driving down a narrow road in the bush, when suddenly you get ambushed with your twenty men, bullets flying, blood everywhere. You climb down to the guns cockpit aim your giant two ton gun at the enemy, you are locked on ready to pull that trigger. And when you do the gun jams.
Well story of my life and instead of ammo it is things I cannot remember in stressful situations. So in all actual fact I do hope this meeting goes smooth or at least my gun doesn’t jam. But If it does, I have plenty of armour, and a sweet face. I do hope I get out this one alive.
You see as humans we are plagued with enormous stress and pressure. And as humans we forget things. Mess stuff up. But does this really mean we are not good enough. In actual fact you have hired a human not a robot, you stupid creature. Come back in 10 years and we might just have what you are looking for.
So for now deal with the constant fact that we are indeed humans. Some better then other, I guess. I have no idea how we measure this. But the good part is im giving you a slight understanding into my mind.
And a wonderful mind at that. So how did I feel spending my last day before work begins in a cold basement parking lot genuinely enjoying my day? Well I came to realize that the more I write the more people will know. Considering these articles may live on the internet for as long as mind kind can survive this dirty rat race.
Truth is im lying to you, im actually writing cause I have nothing to do. And work starts tomorrow after my disciplinary hearing. And I think I may have found something I like. Blogging.
It’s not to tedious nor does it use energy or money. I have my whole setup right here on this little device. Pretty much total sci-fi talk if it was 20 years ago. Non the less we can all pretend this new age of technology doesn’t frighten you all. Amateurs.
So as this story goes on it has started to get darker here and my girlfriend has become more tired with every olly she performs. I do give it to her the perseverance in her, is a trait I’d like to steal. She is growing increasingly upset as im not watching her skate. So as for this post im done. Hope you enjoyed
If I could tell the world anything, anything at all. what would it be? but further more, what would my intentions be.
To share knowledge?
To make money?
To be heard?
Exert some kind ego towards the outside world?
Would I mock people or insult someone?
Criticize?
…
You are reading this article in the hopes to gain some special knowledge to grow from poor to a multi millionaire blog creator. Some blogs sit and give you factual numbers with flow diagrams and charts. Other Creatures offer a different approach based on Perseverance, or Magnetizing a fellowship. Most of us though keep searching, most of us are looking for something called, INSTANT GRATIFICATION. Day after day we spend our time hunched over article’s or vlogs promising us we can become like them. It is a wonderful society isn’t it when we obsess over Fake gratification instead of human interaction. and it is something we have gotten far to good at.
I spent the good parts of 4 days, Trying to come up with a full proof concept that works, all the whilst dreading going back to work and having to face the disciplinary hearing I got just two days ago. Hanging over my 2010 Dell laptop contemplating quitting smoking while frantically looking for a lighter. Yes, this is how I have spent my last 4 days, in a old age home apartment block, you know the that look? with wood styled furniture and painting styled tiles. yes. This is where it all began, my quest to find enlightenment. or at least an answer to my question.
Along the way I noticed a few problems.
I do not know any of these authors, writers, bloggers. How am I to trust them, or for a second believe this 1 paragraph of script is the answer to my dreams/problems. Over the 15,000,000 other articles iv missed due to not having enough life on earth. And this brings us to our first point.
YOU WILL NOT FIND A MAGIC PASSAGE THAT WILL IMPROVE YOUR LIFE
You could though Im sure of it. Kind of making a statement like, we are the only life in the universe. When we know far to little information on a stupid topic and try to understand it.
further more let me explain my topic. The fact that you are reading this means you are taking a great step towards success. Obviously, you are researching. Finding hacks to the trade, tips and tricks anything you can to get a good footing in this blogging industry. Don’t Stop.
But please do keep in mind, only 1 thing really works.
QUALITY
The quality of your blog. Is the very post you are busy with, really going to change someones life, inspire them, change a nation. Probably not unfortunately. But that is because you have not soul searched, deep inside yourself. Ever had that moment with your partner where you can finally be comfortable, get naked or pull funny faces when you climax. This is where you need to be with your writing. Feel no judgement, Type in a quiet room with no one but yourself. Let your fears and dreams come out, followed close behind with your darkest fantasies and kinks. Let it all out my old friend, let it out.
Fear not the ridicule of others, or the beliefs in your families eyes. This is a moment to be undevidedly yourself. (See I just made that word up). Because this is my space and I am the boss here, And this is the attitude you need, towards writing.
Many writers before us 21st century bloggers, wrote from their heart, William Shakespear. He wrote plays of Jealousy and death. Using a technique of story telling never seen before. Eminem, the best Hip Hop Rap artist of all time. He wrote about his life and the struggles he was facing, showing no ego, his heart worn on his sleeve. And you know what? People were able to relate, and recognize what he was going through.
Maybe you don’t have it in you right now to let go and be free, if so. You need to learn fast kid. Cause without it you’ll be a mediocre blog writer with no one but there close family and retirement home friends to read along, to your boring mundane gossip on racism and plants, or pills out there curing arthritis.
Life is short and sharing knowledge is one of the greatest gifts us creatures have. So don’t stop, doing what you are doing, whether you go viral or not. Information on the internet cannot die and soon 100 years from now kids might be reading your article as a class assignment to pick up the mistakes, and why it was never a successful article. Or you could find happiness in the fact that instant gratification will not work in this industry without a godlike mind. Or if your are looking for a more positive approach there is always the chance you know something the world has been searching for.
Either way I think your chances are 50/50, and that is a damn fine place to start. considering baby sea turtles have a 1 in 1000 chance of ever living long enough to reproduce. So take it from me, Carry on. You have more then enough of a chance to become anything you want, why not a blogger.
'LET US ESCAPE' 